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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27990555">Wonders</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wonnieton/pseuds/Wonnieton'>Wonnieton</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marauders Era - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Angst and Feels, Body Dysphoria, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Multi, OC, Original Character - Freeform, Other, Potter Siblings, Unrequired Love, blackinnon, dorlene, jily, wolfstar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:08:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,451</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27990555</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wonnieton/pseuds/Wonnieton</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The story told by James youngest Sibling, through dysphoric, betrayal, jealousy and struggling through identity. Living in the 70s, theirs so much fear that it became a norm. An eyes to what really happened to the Marauders, To even the true tale of what really happen the night the death of James and Lily.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Peter Pettigrew/Original Character(s), Regulus Black/Original Character(s), Sirius Black &amp; Remus Lupin &amp; Peter Pettigrew &amp; Lily Evans Potter &amp; Original Character(s), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Far away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I don't own Harry Potter series, nor the Marauders! The only thing belongs to me is my OC's Darla :) and her pov throughout the years! </p><p>This starts in their 1st year :) </p><p>DISCLAIMER: I DO not support JK Rowling,  Her views on her tweet is terrible, don't support her.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span><strong>Most people know me as Darla Potter, but that's not my name.. </strong> Actually I don’t know what my name is or who I am.. I question the sorting Hat for putting me in Gryffindor, when I myself isn’t brave at all as it says I am. Being  scared of a lot of things around me, to which I couldn’t bring myself to understand. And I never brought myself to ask or question this to anyone, the fear that I was being overdramatic or… different. It could be a simple things, like getting ready in the morning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dar! You got to get up! You can’t lay there forever.” Hearing the gentle voice from the young redhead hovering over me before opening up the certain to let in sunlight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Being in a girls dorm.. yet the thought of seeing them change around me, makes me feel uncomfortable. The burning sensation in my chest like it's a sin to see it to even look. At the time being, all the girls act like it's nothing and so completely close with each other, and I can’t bring myself to do that. Standing in the corner of my bed, facing the red curtain, and fiddling through my clothes to change as quickly as I can and just leave before anyone else. My mind simply tells me,</span>
  <em>
    <span> Hurry and leave, and don’t look</span>
  </em>
  <span>, many would say I’m just being polite but the undying un comfortability within me didn’t feel right.  “Maybe I shouldn’t have worried about you much, considering how fast you are.” Lily joked lightly, as she straightened down her uniform. I watched her reach toward my blouse, my eyes lingered at her small pale freckled hands fiddling through my buttons into place. Hearing her soft chuckles, “Honestly what would you do without me.. You always look like a mess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sheepishly smiled at her comment, “Well thanks goodness I have you.” She rolled her eyes out of amusement, yet smiled widely as she hugged my arm tightly to her.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Students soft chattering nearby as Lily and I appeared down the halls, and their eyes burning behind my back. “They probably think ‘ geez Darla is so bloody gorgeous’ ” Lily casually responded and possibly loud for others to hear. At such confidence, I quietly smiled to myself.. Even though, realistically that's not what they’re really thinking. Lily's kind by heart and I could never understand how she sees things as it is.  Something so unpleasant, even with a withering flower she’ll still protect it as if it's beautiful.. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice one James!!” The sounds of undying laughter from a group of young boys running down the halls, blabbering with their pride and ego. I watched them from afar, slight envy of them being them..no care in the world in such morning like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes I find it baffling that you’re related to a prat like him.” Lily said in such disapproval, I felt her hugs on my arm tighten.  Her face expressed such distaste, before turning her attention toward me with such warmth in her eyes, “I’m glad to have you as one of my girlfriends.” I couldn’t comprehend what she said, yet I ended up remembering those words in repeat. The aching feeling in my chest and she was so close to me I could even smell fragrance right off her. Feeling my cheeks turn red by her words, through avoidance I gently grasp her arms to push her off me lightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clearing my throat as I was hesitant, “A-actually speaking of my brother.. I have to talk to him about something..” She was baffled, but I reassured it was nothing to worry about.. to an</span>
  <em>
    <span> extent</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Leaving her where she is, walking toward my way to the sound of giggling boys. I was anxious doing that actually, because I don't know his friends particularly well and I attend to avoid doing so. Standing awkward in a certain distance, the giggling died down when they noticed me and my eyes remained glued to the floor. “H-Hey..” I greeted them with a small wave, “James can I talk to you for a bit.. alone?”. I can feel him being hesitant yet he sighed as he agreed to do so. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it about this time Dars.” He said bluntly, or perhaps annoyed. I nervously bite my lower lip, scratching the left of my thumb and feeling my throat aching, “James.. The thing I told you about the.. y-you know.. The issues being in my dorm-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He groaned in frustration, “Darla I’m not going to ask the headmaster just for you to.. Go to the boys dorm! You've been saying the same thing for the past 3 months since we started Hogwarts, why can’t you just stay where you’re supposed to be. You’re a girl, you belong there for bloody sake!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“James-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like what is the issue really, Darla.”</span>
  <em>
    <span> Everything. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I’m just so uncomfortable and unfit there and I couldn’t bring myself to understand. I can’t bring myself to do things properly that they do, and that already sounds..  “I’m j-just scared of them.” I blurted, and in response he snorted as if it's unbelievable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a Gryffindor! How can you be scared of dorms full of girls?? That doesn’t make sense- aren’t you friends with Evans? She's a girl.” I felt my words stuck in my throat, not able to respond in a way that doesn’t make me sound.. Not</span>
  <em>
    <span> normal</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He was agitated with me at this point, “I don’t have time for this.. See you later.” He mumbled leaving me alone.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just.. wanted someone to help me know what's wrong..” I finally admit as I watched him disappear in the crowds of his friends.  </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. This is it</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“I just.. wanted someone to help me know what's wrong..” </p><p> </p><p>Perhaps I’m the problem.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>“I just.. wanted someone to help me know what's wrong..” </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Perhaps I’m the problem. That makes sense wouldn’t it..? All the panicking, the un comfortability, and the aching feeling stuck in my throat I could just throw up by the thought of being surrounded by these girls changing. I </span>
  <b>
    <em>can’t </em>
  </b>
  <span>be around a naked girl.. It's the same way I look at myself. I never liked the shape of my naked body, and every time I looked at my breast, curves, and waist, felt distasteful. Like it's a leech being attached to me slowly killing me, every minute of the day. I thought of many different reasons to excuse why I feel the way I do, coming to believe its insecurities. I hear it all the time from the girls talking and comparing themselves to another, envy for others beauty. Though I don’t envy.. I fear them..</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright, Dars? Did something bad happen between you and.. James again..?” Breaking away from my thoughts, noticing Lily sitting besides me with her big green eyes.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well.. it’s fine really.” I brushed it off casually, however she didn’t budge at that response. She frowned slightly, “Are you sure it's fine..? It just.. you just looked-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pathetic, and brainless.” A voice so dull, a familiar Slytherin joined the table. Standing before me as he placed the stacks of books on the wooden surface leaving a loud thud, “if you want to lie try to be good at it, it's very obvious really.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lily gave him a stern look, hesitant to choose her word carefully because of how he chose his, “Severus that was uncalled for..”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The young Slytherin rolled his eyes, “But it's true, I was speaking very honestly.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes but.. You could’ve said that less mean you know.” She hushed him. He shrugged, "I don't know about you but that's the most kindest thing possible to say." I didn’t know how to respond to them, “I-I wanted to ask James about something but he got really annoyed with me that's all.” I stated. They both stared at me and it was clear they’re curious to know what it was I’m really asking James about.. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It's a.. girl.. Issues.. You know?” I quickly respond sullenly. I didn't want to be questioned any further. Fortunately it worked, Severus' eyes went wide to know he had no place to say in this, baffled really. Lily on the other hand expressed a drastic change in such sourness in her face, “Of course he’ll act that way! He's a boy, low minded to even know” She ranted off bitterly, before grasping my hands in hers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dars why didn’t you come to me..?”. Her gasp tightened, feeling the warmth in her hands, “I would never judge you if that's what you fear, you’re my friend. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Our</span>
  </em>
  <span> friend.” she added happily with Severus along our side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your mother must be mad marrying herself to that kind of family. I mean look what it got you.” Severus commented in such disgust, narrowing his eyes at the moment my brother and his friends entered the room. “You should be glad you don’t have filthy Potters blood running through your veins.”  I didn’t know how to respond to that, to be honest I was startled. I knew he meant well (I think) he is Lily’s friend and he never was a bother toward me, but sometimes when he says things like that.. Especially his hate for my brother that it's so unusual to that extent, about my family- my mum.. it doesn’t feel right.. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lils!” Lily smiled widely at the familiar blonde calling for her, she waved at her and along with a few other girls. Marlene approached our table, she didn't look nor greet me but she stopped at Severus.  Frowning, “Snape.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bi- I mean Mckinnon.” He corrected himself the moment Lily glared at him, clearing his throat, “Anyway Dars here too.” He mentioned my name to her attention. Marlene arched her brow, she’s very aware of my presents although we don’t talk ill of each other but there is a very big distance between us. She didn’t say much, other than taking Lily's attention away, leaving me and Severus alone. I watched Lily, and Marlene along with other girls giggling over things they talked so fondly over- whether its beauty, success or boys. No matter what they talked about, they seemed so encouraging and close with one another. How they easily touch each other's arms, hair and face with complete closeness with no fear. I can never understand it.. that bond I can’t seem to reach. Not knowing how to be part of that, to be close with them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t bother with those girls.” Severus cut through my thoughts, “I never understand why Lily likes them.. They’re irritating to be around, and as your friend I believe it's my job to not let you turn into blubbering idiots. You’re one of the good ones anyway.” I couldn’t help but frown, wasn’t sure if that was a compliment, a soothing comfort or an insult directly at me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oye do you guys smell that?” James' voice echoed across the room, snickering toward his friends as his eyes glaring over behind Severus. His friend Sirius let out a snort, “Yeah, bet it's Snivellus and his greasy hair.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course it's Snivellus, he doesn’t even shower. I mean look at him!” My brother responded back, laughing so loudly. I watched Severus tensed up, clenching his jaw as his eyes darted at me while they were laughing.  That look in his eyes, he wanted me to do something as this is </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>brother after all. This is a moment as a friend I should be bold to step in, and tell my brothers wrongdoing, but in complete opposite I was unable to do anything. Like a sharp pain in the back of my feet's and hands keeping me in place.. My heart increased, and my tongue was tied being a complete coward. My nails digging into the wooden desk, my breath was shaken and I did nothing but look away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hearing the Slytherin boy sighing in frustration, he gripped onto his wand as he was ready to make his target-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Severus Snape, you better not raise your wand or that’ll be 50 points from the Slytherins!” A demanding voice snapped right through the tension between the boys. Standing in front of the classroom with her long green gowned, and black pointed hat.  She stood very highly  and matched the mood and tone of such power she has over the classroom.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry Professor McGonagall.” He mumbled before sitting down besides me. From that response, my brother and his friends snickered quietly of how easily Severus gave in. Her face was stern. I can tell she was keeping a calm reaction, taking a deep breath while she held her wand steadily. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Since today is such a beautiful morning, I have something quite fun for you all today. You’re all going to work in partners by my choice I assigned for you all.” She stated, while the students groaned knowing they can’t partner with their friends. “I want you and your partners to practice transfiguration with the objects given to you. You may start now- and please for Merlin sake let's keep this morning as peaceful as it is.” She flicked with her wands as small parchments rained above us, each one of them landed on the students it was assigned to.  With the given name already written on it, I grasped mine before looking at other reactions. Some were satisfied, others were not so..</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gross! Dory look.. I got Pettigrew” The sound of Marlene whining while she clinged over her tall friend. “That sucks for you- I got the less insufferable one.” Dorcas said in such relief as she runs her hands through her black locks, before waving at Remus.   </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lily stood in distraught, “You have to be kidding me, I got that twat..”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Believe me I’m as horrified as you are, I’m stuck with a bore like you.” James remarked at her. I shifted my attention to Severus, whose face was darkened at his parchment, and growing concerned I quietly poked his wrist for his attention. “Is.. it bad..?”. Before the Slytherin could respond the sound of crying horror from behind-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Noo!!!! Out of all people I got him?? This has to be a mistake- Merlin, I might get Snivellus disease James..!”  Sirius said in such a dramatic way, James responded in pity for him.  “This is bulls-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>L a n g u a g e</b>
  <span> Mr. Potter”, Professor McGonagall spoke in deadpanned, shutting my brother up immediately. “I’m sorry that you don’t get to have what you want, but that's how the world works. This is what I assigned for you all, so stop whining like children and I would like for this morning to </span>
  <em>
    <span>stay peaceful</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  Please do go to your partners and be civil to each other.” I watched everyone move around, and I tried to give Severus a bit of courage before he left but it was clear that he didn’t care for it. I wouldn’t blame him.. He’s probably more mad at me then the whole partner thing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey.. you're James sister right..?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Caught off guard, I felt myself jolted a bit to feel a gentle voice and a tall shadow hovering over me.  Turning to my side view, a tall lanky Hufflepuff  boy, blonde and freckles splattered all over his pale complexion who was arching down to my eye view. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh! You must be that Scamander kid aren’t you?” I blurted as I recognized him clearly. Well I at least knew him  through the relation to Theseus Scamander a former Gryffindor chaser, our house speaks proudly of. The freckled boy couldn’t help but grin shyly, “Yes, though my name’s Augustine not Scamander boy but most people call me Gus.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I gave a small smile, and nodded understandably. “And my name’s Darla, not ‘James Sister’ but most people call me Dars..” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That's a pretty name.. Dars” He replied simply at my name.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And so is yours.. Gus.” He chuckled softly at my comment, to which I couldn’t help but smiled widely, clearing my throat, “ I’m guessing you’re here because you’re my partner..?” I wavered around my small parchment. He quietly sat by me, watching the people around us becoming chaotic due the choice of partners they were given. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.. I’m quite happy with the choice I was given.” He joked lightly, to which I laughed a bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>During the first 10 minutes, we were simply taking turns turning a rat into a snuff box.  Using the gold snuff box object beside us to replicate how it should be. Although to be honest it was a bit of a struggle.. Even after long notes, I still haven't been able to get it right.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Muriuma arch”</span>
  </em>
  <span> I said at least three times and nothing happened. The little mice still stared at me with their little bean eyes and I swore it’s mocking me. I frown growing frustrated and slightly embarrassed to know that it's in front of a.. Well a person. Gus stood there quite patiently as I appreciate but I still felt a bit guilty knowing he had to watch me fail this whole time.  “Sorry.. This class is kind of out of my field. Bit of a fool when it comes to this..”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh! No- it's alright, I get it. I’m not much of an expert either..” He assured as he himself took his turn and when doing so. The mice only turn gold, not a snuff box and to be honest it puts me in better ease.  “I guess two fools is better than one..?”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It's not my fault you’re such a barmy mouth breathing dirt to even get anything right.” Severus snapped from across of us, glaring down at Sirius as their mice were half and half.. his lip curled into a smirk, “Although I’m not surprised, Bellatrix mentioned that you were deemed to be a failure from the start.”, He mocked in such bittersweet knowing well aware it hit him morally. Sirius stopped mid motion, his expression darkened. He scoffed but clearly it structed a core at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Watch what you say next, Snivellus.” He whispered in such threat, and as stubborn both boys are.  Severus didn’t budge and instead he egged on it. “I’m merely speaking the truth.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Immediately out of anger, Sirius whipped out his own wand-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sirius Black don’t you dare!!” Professor McGonagall yelled in the background but it was too late, Sirius was too blinded within his anger. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Furnunculus!!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What I can recall the spell Sirius purposely cursed at him, fortunately Severus had a fast reflex with a shield charm.. Just like that, there was silence. It took me a moment to process what had happened, but at this very moment it was like I knew.. The way everyone looked at me, mixed with shock yet.. Disgusted.. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Darla!” Lily gasped along with James who stared at me with a wide eye. He took a step closer to me, “D-Darla don’t panic..” He then darted a glare yet panicked toward Sirius.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Darla I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to jinx you-” he blurted, as he clenched on his wand with such fear and guilt. He was practically shaking. Some students giggled, one of the Slytherin girl, Emma Vanity, mocked, “I don’t know Sirius.. It kind of fits her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh dear.. Ms. Potter.” Professor Mcgonagall went out of her way to touch my face, although hesitant. “No worries this can be fixed-”. Looking down at my hands I was covered in red dark boils. So big and oozing- it was just so...Everything was starting to muffle in my ears, so vividly I could only hear my own heart increasing immensely.. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I was not able to find the correct spell for the lesson of turning a mice into a gold ruffle box. It stated for the lesson but spell isn't clear? therefore I tried to make one up ^ ^</p><p>Muriuma arch- Latin word of "Golden box mice"</p><p>Furnunculus- its a jinx/curse spell to cause the victim to break out in terrible acne boils.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Let it be</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Darla Wait!”</p><p> I darted out of the classroom, I couldn’t help it. What's wrong with me? Why do I feel like this- why am I overdramatic? It was a mistake and I know it was! But I couldn’t stay, or be okay with it, I was embarrassed.. Just knowing what happened-</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>“Darla Wait!”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> I darted out of the classroom, I couldn’t help it. What's wrong with me? Why do I feel like this- why am I overdramatic? It was a mistake and I know it was! But I couldn’t stay, or be okay with it, I was embarrassed.. Just knowing what happened- and everyone is.. I know what they’re thinking, it's clear isn’t it? I stood by the mirror in the bathroom stalls, I can see myself so clearly </span>
  <em>
    <span>“It fits her</span>
  </em>
  <span>”.  After what Vanity commented at me, I could actually believe it to be true. Unbearable acne is like a sprinkle topping on an ice cream is a better way to describe it.  Nothing about me is appealing, and I knew that from the start! However I never realized until seeing myself up close so vividly. My hair is big, and choppy that a comb can get lost forever if brushed. I even try to better myself with my walk, posture but it's just awkward and unfitting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>My Con gái is very Unlady like</span>
  </em>
  <span>” My Mother would always say about me.  Even with the uniform that is exactly the same as Lily herself it just looks so horrific on me. I feel disgusted..  Clenching the sides of the sink, hearing the sound of my nails screeching through the metal. I gritted at myself- at this. I loathed the sight of me, my eyes began to sting and vision blurred.  The sound of silent tears down the drain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey! You’re not supposed to go in there..” The sound of Lily's voice so demanding outside the halls, I stopped myself when I heard her. Wiping my tears away as quickly as I can.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-.. I have to see her, Lily.” The panic from James' voice. To realize that my brother was there too, made me hold my own breath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you..? I’m surprised to see you actually care about her.” She mocked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course I do, she's my little sister!” He responded with no hesitation within those lines. He sound determined, and honest, caused a brief silence in the halls. No words from Lily when hearing that, I have no words.  It put me in ease for a moment, knowing months I frustrated him. Loud and clear that I was a bother and to believe I was a burden to him.. Hearing those words coming from him felt.. Different. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“James.. it's alright.” Lily's voice softens as she assures him, feeling like a blanket wrapped around hearing her. “If you want, I’ll check on her for you okay..?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-you’ll do that..?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hearing Lily tappings shoes against the cement of the bathroom floor, with the creak of the door opening wide- “I’m glad by the way” James interrupted, his voice sounded so soft and genuine, there was even a pause. As if he was choosing his words carefully, “I’m glad to know that my sister has a great friend like you in her life.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>From that, my eyes locked at hers. Seeing Lily standing there, the door closed behind her and she didn’t say a word to me. Nothing, no words but I knew all the things she's saying to me by just the look in her eyes . I bit my lower lip, timid to be seen this way. Clearing my throat, “Ironic isn’t it? I would say this adds a great finish to my features.” I said playfully. She frowned deeply, breathing heavily in such hurt in her eyes I can hear the pain in her throat.  “Don’t say that..” She said shyly her voice cracked, before embracing me into her arms. Her grip was tight, I can feel her trembling within the warmth between us.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I was baffled, but I found comfort in her arms. She means so much to me, and I genuinely knew how much this hurts her then it hurts me. I embraced her back, “Sorry..”. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shook her head fiercely, pulling away to just face me.  Gasping my face in her hands, “Don’t ever be sorry Dars! You..you are the most beautiful person I know! Geez Black is so careless and Sev..” She stated in such anger and passion. “I-I know..” I shyly respond.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her face scrunched up, furious but that anger washed away. Gently stroking my chopped hair strands to see my face clearly, as if she was brushing a delegate flower.. “Merlin I wish a million stars for you to see yourself the way I look at you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ba-dum</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span> Ba-dum</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sound of my heart skipped with the way she said those words. Feeling odd in my chest I couldn’t bring myself to explain it. Started to feel really warm under my uniform. “Now.. lets head back and fix you up.” She reassured me. I simply nodded, letting her take my hands in hers as she quietly dragged me out to the halls. With James waiting behind the doors, his eyes widen to finally see us. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Darla..!” He blurted before looking away in guilt. Eyes glued to the floor, he picked on his own sleeves nervously, “I’m.. really sorry for what Sirius did- he really didn’t mean for that to happen! I swear I-.. Please don’t hate him. ” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“James.. It's fine.” I promised, and from that he stopped picking on his sleeves. Hesitant, “Are you okay..?” He finally asked and was very quiet. I nodded with a smile, his shoulder and posture relaxed in such ease. I can see the guilt lifted right off him, smiling back at me so widely. A relief between us. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Back in the classroom, it was as if nothing had happened.  Everyone was back doing to where they were before, maybe some glance but nothing. Professor McGonagall of course asked me if I was alright the moment I walked in, otherwise everything was just fine. I watched James head back to his table with the boys, especially Sirius anxiously waiting for him. “Here take this.” A potion handed to me, as Severus stood to look.. Rather proud. “What's.. This?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He crossed his arms, rolling his eyes “It's a Boil-cure potion. To get that off of you.” He stated but his voice softened at the end looking at me. Immediately I took the offer as I drank the potion whole in one gulp. “Your welcome~” He hummed, however the reaction he was given was a very very furious Lily.  She was red  as the color of her hair, slapping his shoulder roughly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah- no thanks to you! How can you cause such a reckless scene with Sirius!” She lectured, hearing him hissed at such strength in that hands of hers.  Rubbing injuries, “It's not my fault, I’m the victim here, if anything it's Sirius! Dars just happened to get hit. The bright side, he lost points for his house immensely. So it's a win win.” He defends himself but flinch by her death glare. I couldn’t help but laughed between the bickering, thanking him.  We separated back to our table with our partners.  This time it was less hectic and violent in the room, self-conscious to see the Hufflepuff boy waiting for me knowing that I ran.. Realistically everyone knew I ran to cry in the bathroom- making a scene of myself I rather forget. He made eye contact with me, smiling in such relief he waved. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” He expressed such happiness in response.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“H-Hey..” I simply replied. He continued to smile, looking at me before clearing his throat, “Glad to see you’re okay.. To be honest I quite missed you. It's lonely being a one man fool.” Admitting casually, but I knew he was being playful. I tried not to smile, feeling nice that he was just. Kind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry for keeping you waiting, I promise to not leave you stranded again.” I declared in such confidence, and he chuckled. “Is that a promise? Because promises are sacred, and never to be broken.” He said, keeping a straight face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I broke a smile, “I never broke a promise in my life, I’m actually known for it.” He arched his brow amused, eyes so determined and competitive. “I look forward to that.” saying in such boldness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As I said before, everything was back as it was in the beginning. Working together with our spells and what critique to better yourself. Surprisingly it felt like  minutes from how we goofed off, I even forgot an hour had passed. Well it's more like who “more worse” with this activity, it's very funny really. Gus seems more determined at messing up then making it right if anything, his presence amused me.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I felt a nudge from the back, knowing someone is trying to catch my attention. Then a stab to my waist with an unfamiliar object, then suddenly placed on my lap. I turned to see what it was. Looking down, a box of Chocolate frogs unopened as if it was fresh out of the shop. Confused, to observe the room to see who could possibly give this to me. Though the obvious stare from one person alone was quite clear who. Sirius staring at me, so eagerly- to my surprise as I said before I never talked to my brother’s friend. Never even made a distant contact or exchanged. This was the first, not knowing what to do or say but I knew this is his way of apologizing. I just smiled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>From a smile, the boy's eyes fell in such relief. Looking away from me grinning to himself sheepishly.  This felt really nice, I know I said that a few times before but- it felt nice.  Smiling at my box of chocolate frog, I hugged it in my arms. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Lets hate Christmas together."</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You may check out my tiktok - ImpulsivePotter</p><p>Other Media I've post this fanfic is also on Wattpad and Fanfiction</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> December 10, 1971  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> 9:00 pm </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<strong> Finally! The past months have been bloody stressful!</strong>” The sound of Mary cries, as the girls huddle together in one big circle.  “I’m glad to just go home and take a break from hours of studying..”</p><p> </p><p>“Honestly, I feel like Professor Filwich is on to something when giving us that.. Unnecessary stacks of testing-it just so much!” Dorcas moans in frustration as she expressed the amount dramatically with her hands. Lily smiled widely that could possibly shine through the night with her excitement, “Now that it's over.. I’m sure we’re all very excited for Christmas! I am- at home it's a tradition to do Secret Santa, and I’m just excited to go out my way to get them something-”</p><p> </p><p>“That's wonderful! Perhaps you can get them things from Hogsmead. A souvenir.” Mary pointed out, and with great pride of Lily Evans, “Already ahead of you. Although I didn’t get much, I could almost buy the whole store itself if I could! ”</p><p> </p><p>“Well that's nice, I have something similar to that except I get leftovers from my unbearable sisters” Marlene rolled her eyes, expressing her frustration toward her sibling's priority. She mentioned before she’s a middle child. I watched the girls talking about what they want or don’t want, I stayed in the corner of my bed listening-</p><p> </p><p>“Dars!” Lily called out my name, turning all the girls attention to me,“What about you? Are you excited for Christmas?”. I didn’t know what to respond to, having to think about it. </p><p> </p><p>“Christmas isn’t my thing..”</p><p> </p><p>Lily's reaction to my response was baffled, unexpected at least. “Really..? I..” She pursed her pink lips as she frowned all together, “I’m sure you at least have some or a happy memory, everyone does on the Holidays. What about a Potter tradition?” </p><p> </p><p>The sudden attention of my family put me in a deeper awkward position. Frowning at such interest, “Actually.. I don’t know. My mom and his dad only married kind of recently..? Or not that recent but kind of a year ago. Still adjusting how we do things on Christmas..” I admit with a nervous laugh, “ My mom and I aren’t used to the typical tradition of Christmas here.. However back then when my actual.. Dad, when we used to live in Vietnam we had this thing where we just went camping.  We go to the pond near our house.. and I remember the smell of it.” Smiling to myself in that memory, back when I was little. “It's great really.. We get to see the pretty fishes. There were so many of them. Even when it's cold my dad always convinces me and mom to go swimming, usually it's just me. My dad would show me flowers, and birds- he's obsessed with it.” </p><p> </p><p>I  stopped mid way, looking down at my hands to remember the size of my dads when holding his. Remembering how attached I am to him that my mom always nags about favoring him over her, deeply seeing it so vividly.  The time I felt there was nothing to think or fear- everyday and moments was precious. I was young and naive to even think it was perfect..  “I think I was much happier.. We were happy until it wasn’t. I was 7 on Christmas day and I knew it was different then the rest.. Like love wasn’t enough I guess, a-and divorced happened-” To realize how deeply and personally I went on about it, made my face turn red out of embarrassment. The girls looked at me, some were confused, concerned and annoyed.. </p><p> </p><p>“Merlin that just killed the mood.” A whisper in the crowd of girls, yet it was so loud and clear for me to hear before all of them slowly went back to talking to each other. I felt sick in my stomach, I felt bad for even running my mouth like that, and I ended up making it so sad- sounding like self pity charity. I want to slap my face hard for doing that! The worst part is to watch Lily respond with nothing but look at me with full pity on me and I certainly did question why she always looked at me like.. </p><p> </p><p>Being friends with Lily, she's the kindest and heart full of gold but I grew to notice these small things.. And it always crosses my mind, she has many faces and  reactions. How  different types of her dramatic frowns are about James, her sister or herself. For me to recognize what with just the way she looks at me. Pity is what I became to slowly loathe..  She expresses it the most when it's at <b>me</b>. Sometimes I wonder if she chose closeness and care for me.. As genuine or the worst to think perhaps it's because she felt bad for me. I clenched on the fabric of my blanket, to bury myself under to hopefully sleep past this feeling. Unfortunately it was interrupted-</p><p> </p><p>“I need to go to the library, and it's urgent.” To my surprise to see  Marlene Mckinnon stood before me, her response was blunt- hardly sounded like an emergency.</p><p> </p><p> “Marlene- its late.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not telling you this for nothing- It's a clear invitation.” She said impatiently, looking over others as if she was checking before facing me, “ I need you to come with me..” </p><p> </p><p> “Why does it have to be me..?”</p><p> </p><p>“I.. have a reason.” She crossed her arms, arching her brow “So get up, I don’t have all day.” </p><p> </p><p>She's mad, no- confusing.. Yet I agreed, I don’t know why but I did. Walking down the halls, in just empty silence- awkward silence. To be sneaking out of our dormitory to go to the library for who knows what and with me is the weirdest thing I’ve heard in my life. Weird that no one would even believe me for it if I say, when circumstances relation terms between her and I are .. nowhere,“So.. what is the reason exactly, you never..”</p><p> </p><p>She stopped mid way, turning to me head front, face all scrunched up to my confusion- to watch her clench her jaw as if I said something that made her so bitter, “Pfft what, am I not allowed to hang out with you? I’m sorry I’m not Lily or that bloody Slytherin.”</p><p> </p><p>Is this her excuse to hang out.. With me? “W-what? No- I mean yes- no” I tripped on my own words, bewildered by her “I mean.. We can hang- I just..We never hanged before.. Or come across each other to do so. I-I mean if you wanted to hang out you could always tag along with you know.. Me and lils-”</p><p> </p><p>“I do better <em> alone </em> . “She blurted, staring at me for a moment.  There was hesitation but she cleared her throat, “I mean I feel <em> better </em> doing one on one hang out, I want.. To hang out with you alone. Does that answer your question, Potter.”</p><p> </p><p>N o. N o t at all. </p><p> </p><p>My eyes lingered at her, trying to read any sign she’s trying to do or pull. She was blunt- very forward with her way of words. However Marlene is very and has always been bold. I admire that to be honest, outspoken and ambitious but it confuses me greatly on moments like this. I continued to follow her, and even in the dark with just little lights I noticed the surroundings were different. The directions we were going are complete opposite to where we were suppose to be-</p><p>“Marlene, where are we going..? This isn’t the way to the Library-” </p><p> </p><p>“I got bored about the Library.” </p><p> </p><p>‘Since when-”</p><p> </p><p>“Since now. Something just came up-  we should hurry!” She grasped my hand in hers, dragging me along with her with such hurry. I can feel by the grip of her hands, she's excited. </p><p> </p><p>To end up in the tallest tower, with endless stairs.  With such short breath and exhaustion, we managed to the top. As tiring as it was, it was quite worth the view. It's better in the night, to see everything down below, the millions of stars that feel beautiful from just looking at it. I know we go to the Astronomy Tower every Wednesday night, personally I wished for it to be everyday really. I smiled widely, before noticing Mckinnon blue bell eyes lingering behind me,  “You like stars stuff right? As you know.. my name means the ‘Star of the sea’.” She said so casually, crossing her arms as she made her way besides me. “You like stars so.. It's clearly important information.”</p><p> </p><p>I looked at her, I always knew Marlene was very beautiful but up close I started to notice it. Her long blonde curls tied back. The stars were able to reflect on her pretty pale porcelain skin, along with her pretty hands, and everytime she smiled became much more. Actually, even when she's angry, upset or disgusted she manages to make it charming. Mckinnon is known for many things as I said before, by the beginning of 1st year her name spread throughout the halls and everyone knew her right away.. </p><p> </p><p>“Is that why you brought me here, for me. Why? ” I questioned softly.  </p><p> </p><p>“I just wanted to, don’t make it weird.” She mumbled. </p><p> </p><p>“How did you know I like stars.” It caught her attention, for once I saw her tripped over her own words.  “I- well.  I happened to hear you say so at some point.” </p><p> </p><p>Amused by her, “I barely once spoke about my interest, to anyone as much.”. It completely shut down her excuse, her face fell to be caught, “Merlin you’re frustrating sometimes. I don’t even want to say it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Have you been watching me, Marlene Mckinnon.” I smirked quietly, “ I never thought of you to be a stalker.” </p><p> </p><p>“I’m not a <em> stalker, </em>don’t be cheeky with me.” She blurted, facing me. “I’m observant and I just happen to know things.. You make weird faces every wednesday or when someone mentions this tower. So shut up.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh- so you brought me here to see me happy.”</p><p> </p><p>“N o- you’re just happened to be known to have one emotion all the time, sad.” She bantered back, and then we both looked at each other from what she said. She blinked at hesitation for saying that, I for one was frowning. Taking in what she said to me.. Sad? I never realize how others see me, and that is the least thing I wanted to know.  </p><p> </p><p>“..I always look like that..?”</p><p> </p><p>For a moment it was quiet, and in her eyes Marlene spoke the most honest, “Yes.. but.” She paused  while she took a step closer to me. “I think you’re pretty when you’re sad, however you’re much more when you’re happy.” Closer, “ Especially how you looked back there, at the dorms. And-, let's be real, I don’t like Christmas either. ” She mentioned under her breath. Before looking back at the stars, “It's bothersome on the Holiday, as you know I have one older and a younger sister. That means the priority is them over me, including success. We all know being a middle child means you’re a forgotten child. Even with a few happy memories, the rest is bitter. No matter what I do, it's overlooked by them. I know my parents don't mean to, but it happens. It utterly sucks balls, and ever since I just hated Christmas.” </p><p> </p><p>“That is a very sucky ball.” I agreed and she giggled to which I did. </p><p> </p><p>“I mean fuck Christmas! Lils can be.. Too much sometimes, and I just.  I get it..” She takes a deep breath as she looks at me, “ What.. I’m trying to say it. Since we both hate Christmas, we should both hate it together- even if you know.  When we are apart to see our family tomorrow.  You and I would both know..Since we’re friends now.” </p><p> </p><p>“We’re friends?”</p><p> </p><p>“If you have me.” She smiled at me quietly, “Besides if you say no, I’ll make sure to bother you forever.” </p><p> </p><p>Just like that, we became friends.  As she promised me, even when it's not Christmas quiet yet. The day before the Holiday break this became a sweetest memory with someone new, unexpected. Sitting together to look at the stars and talk endlessly, it brought over something to me. With her it was different, and I grew to know why Lily liked her company.  Why Marlene Mckinnon is very charming. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“I just wanted to, don’t make it weird.” She mumbled. </p><p> </p><p>“How did you know I like stars.” It caught her attention, for once I saw her tripped over her own words.  “I- well.  I happened to hear you say so at some point.” </p><p> </p><p>Amused by her, “I barely once spoke about my interest, to anyone as much.”. It completely shut down her excuse, her face fell to be caught, “Merlin you’re frustrating sometimes. I don’t even want to say it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Have you been watching me, Marlene Mckinnon.” I smirked quietly, “ I never thought of you to be a stalker.” </p><p> </p><p>“I’m not a <em> stalker, </em>don’t be cheeky with me.” She blurted, facing me. “I’m observant and I just happen to know things.. You make weird faces every wednesday or when someone mentions this tower. So shut up.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh- so you brought me here to see me happy.”</p><p> </p><p>“N o- you’re just happened to be known to have one emotion all the time, sad.” She bantered back, and then we both looked at each other from what she said. She blinked at hesitation for saying that, I for one was frowning. Taking in what she said to me.. Sad? I never realize how others see me, and that is the least thing I wanted to know.  </p><p> </p><p>“..I always look like that..?”</p><p> </p><p>For a moment it was quiet, and in her eyes Marlene spoke the most honest, “Yes.. but.” She paused  while she took a step closer to me. “I think you’re pretty when you’re sad, however you’re much more when you’re happy.” Closer, “ Especially how you looked back there, at the dorms. And-, let's be real, I don’t like Christmas either. ” She mentioned under her breath. Before looking back at the stars, “It's bothersome on the Holiday, as you know I have one older and a younger sister. That means the priority is them over me, including success. We all know being a middle child means you’re a forgotten child. Even with a few happy memories, the rest is bitter. No matter what I do, it's overlooked by them. I know my parents don't mean to, but it happens. It utterly sucks balls, and ever since I just hated Christmas.” </p><p> </p><p>“That is a very sucky ball.” I agreed and she giggled to which I did. </p><p> </p><p>“I mean fuck Christmas! Lils can be.. Too much sometimes, and I just.  I get it..” She takes a deep breath as she looks at me, “ What.. I’m trying to say it. Since we both hate Christmas, we should both hate it together. Since we’re friends now.” </p><p> </p><p>“We’re friends?”</p><p> </p><p>“If you have me.” She smiled at me quietly, “Besides if you say no, I’ll make sure to bother you forever.” </p><p> </p><p>Just like that, we became friends.  As she promised me, even when it's not Christmas quiet yet. The day before the Holiday break this became a sweetest memory with someone new, unexpected. Sitting together to look at the stars and talk endlessly, it brought over something to me. With her it was different, and I grew to know why Lily liked her company. Marlene Mckinnon is very charming.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Faults</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Why was love not enough?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <em>“Ba! Let's go swimming!!”</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I ran down the wooden stairs, with big towels (many as I tried to carry) in my small arms. </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>Smiling greatly for the cold day, like any other Holiday it was the same and it’s the way I wanted it to be. Ba usually  would be smiling down at me, picking me up in his arms while my Mẹ would nags us for being careless to swim in a pond during the Winter.  Calling him an idiot of a man while he’ll continue to be smitten by her annoyance. Convince as much as she was angry, there was an undying love between them. It's always the same. I find that to be perfect. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Until wasn’t, and I never got to understand why.  How love can change so suddenly on that very day. All the things that are supposed to be, the things we usually do the moment I stepped off the stairs never happened anymore. The house just became colder than winter itself, like a blizzard broke in and I never knew how to fix it. I just stood there, watching them just not able to stand a sight of each other. They never told me why now, after years together- why today? </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>Mẹ so suddenly grew walls around him, that every time he touched her it became a poison rather than a kiss. Her interest in him became a bore all in one day and he stood there trying, the words from each other of wanting to try one more time.  One more time he said, but it was nothing. The day became an argument of what they can or can’t do-</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“ Lynn, please I can fix this- Tell me anything you want, I’ll do it! ” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Jonathan this isn’t something you can just fix! I.. Days I thought I was happy, but every minute with you, here..in this house part of me loathes..! ” She snapped at him, and I can see the look in his eyes the moment those words left her mouth. Even when he tries to tape things back together between them it continues in a constant cycle of loathing. “You say you’ll fix it, but you’ll soon grow to loathe it as much as me if we continue...” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>December 24, 1971 </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Christmas Eve</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Darla! Come help your brother set up the table!” I looked up from sitting near the fireplace as she and James’ dad smiled, talking about how much a great cook she is. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love this.. I love you” He spoke so soft, I can see her melt and pined over it. Stroking her hair, they are saying so much by just the way they looked at each other. I can tell this is everything she ever wanted, Mother will risk it all for him than she would for Ba. Fleamont is a remarkable man, patient, charismatic , and is so full of determination that everyday is an excitement in the house. He's also an idiot, but a smart idiot. Including such wealth, it's a privilege to do the things that she wanted. Perhaps that's why my Mother picked him, all these things he has and does for her- its a great life. The way she smiles and yearns for this man, touches him as much. She couldn’t get enough of him, and he was completely wrapped in her fingers.  A year within the marriage, being part of the Potter family she doesn’t admit it but it feels like she changed a whole different person. At first it was small things slowly it gradually became more. She’ll cook strictly English food, to which it was actually her choice.  Fleamont has nothing to do with that, and I strongly disliked that she chooses to do that, without a damn what.. I felt it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dars-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Break away from my thoughts, my Mother was looking at me with concern. “ You haven’t touched any of the food on the table.. Is everything alright?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh do I want to tell you what I really think.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is it the ham? It's definitely the ham- I knew I didn’t do it right!” She sighed at her own cooking, watching her in self pity.  James snorted in amusement, as he stuffed these in his face. “Are you mad? It tastes amazing!”. With his words it brought great pride in her just like that, of course she would. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No.. the food is fine.” I forced a smile shyly, picking on my food. She frowned at me, “Well it just, you look flushed..”</span>
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  <span>“Lynn, maybe she misses the food you used to make. “ Fleamont insisted, smiling over me. “I remember Dars used to talk about it all the time. I think it's a great idea, we should have it every now and then.” To my surprise, I liked that idea..</span>
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  <span>My mother was taken back at it, looking at him with concern, “Fleamont are you sure- I worried you might not handle it.” She joked shyly. </span>
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  <span>He took her hand in his, reassuring her, “ Besides, You yourself always bragged about those dishes you used to make.” He hummed, to which she smirked. Clearing his throat, “ I'm a great eater! You know anything you make I’ll love and cherish it by heart.” He said with a stupid grin to which she was completely fond over. He was a complete charm with his way of words that completely lightened up the table.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? No way! It’ll make the house smell, their food is weird!” James whined in disgust. I frowned at that, actually hearing that really really fucking hurts. Fleamont looked at him baffled at his words, “James..” </span>
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  <span>“It does not. That's so mean for you to say that.” I called him out.</span>
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  <span>“Darla, it's enough, don’t talk in that tone.” My mother cut me off but I ignored her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There's no way I’ll eat that kind of thing.  What if I get sick? I’m not living a day just eating fish or whatever-” He spat out. “We’re not in asia-”</span>
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  <br/>
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</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>SLAM</em>
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</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Darla..” I ignored my mother, I slammed my hands on the table. Frustrated and just exhausted hearing him talk. I stared at him for a good minute, I didn’t know what to say but hearing that took a lot out of me. As much as he speaks merely about the food, it felt like he was saying it directly at me- people like me. That we’re smelly and weird. His words cut me like an open wound.  “I’m tired..” I simply said, getting up from the silent table to excuse myself before James could say anything. Leaving upstairs to my room, shutting the door behind me. I thought to myself.. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>God I hated it so much, this is the reason I hate Christmas. Nothing I liked is here, everything I had was just g o n e. I didn’t want to admit it but I hated that she was happy.  I.. was fine.. And happy for her really! But then over time after their marriage, living together, I hated it. I screamed to wish for her to stay miserable, to go back where it was and pretend like she was happy. The small cottage home, the ponds, and stench of burning woods- I can’t help it. She loved Ba and suddenly she didn’t, like all feelings stopped. I want to invalidate her, and be selfish.  What about me? What gives you the choice to put me through this- all she ever cared about is herself-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey..” The timid sound from James as he walked in the room. Furious and hurt I didn’t want him here, although unfortunately we share the same room. “Are.. are you okay..?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I didn’t want to face him, if I look at him I’ll get even more angry. “Clearly.. I-I’m fucking not okay, James.” I mumbled under my breath. There was a silence between us, he was hesitant I can tell.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry..” He admitted, “I shouldn’t have said that to you.. It was an honest mistake-”</span>
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  <span>“Mistake?” I turn to him, feeling my face slowly turn red. An anger slowly boils in me, “James a mistake is like.. Accidental spilling things on me with no control over it.  You said that on full purpose- a-and-”</span>
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  <span>“Okay.. you’re right-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It hurts..”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dars.. I know-”</span>
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  <span>“Do you James?? When you say things like that, you’re saying it to people like me. L-like we’re gross and disgusting- abnormal. I hear a lot of things from other people in Hogwarts, I just ignore them you know. But I’m very tired hearing it from you.. I feel like a freak- Do you even know how hard it is for me?” I can feel my voice not able to come up anymore, I’m choking on the verge of tears.  Out of just pure frustration.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>James looked at me apologetic, “No I don’t understand and I should’ve been better. I should've known better.. I-I’ll definitely eat food your mom makes- and it's not smelly or gross. You’re not smelly or gross. Darla I’m really really sorry.” He pleaded, there isn’t much in our life together that James Potter outright apologizes for. Usually we just bypass it like nothing happened and never talked about it, but at this moment it was a bit different. Of course I was still mad.. “I don’t want- or meant for you to feel like that about yourself.. I’m so sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It's.. it's fine, James.” I said quietly, before sitting on the bed. Tentative but he sat by me. Quiet and it was just. Not knowing what to say afterwards or add on to it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> “This is for you by the way.” He held out a letter- an owl letter. “From your dad..” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Immediately I took it from his hand, to open it. The spark of hope in me to get something from him, maybe he said something? Perhaps he's talking about visiting, or going on camp trips again! A week visit with Ba at Vietnam- home. All of that hope runs through my mind as I unfold it, it has been so long since I got a letter from him. I expected so much, yet it was nothing. Not a word written except it was just a Christmas card and money.. Actually I didn’t know why I expected anything from it.  After the divorce, after my Mother won custody over me- Ba used to visit me almost 3 times a week. Writes to me all the time in paragraphs of how much he misses me and loves me in a letter. However slowly it became twice to once to almost never.. Letters with less to say to gradually no letter at all. Even asking my Mother about it, she cares nothingness actually this is more her dream come true to know Ba is ever so slowly becoming forgotten. I stared at it for the longest time, feeling my tears drops on these stupid happy polar bear card.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dars..-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do parents do this?” I cut him off as I looked at him.  Wavering this stupid card, “W-why do parents choose to do this to their own kids? You marry because you love them and you have a kid because you love them- to only end up not being enough.. I-I mean they were happy before.. They said it all the time, c-cause they grew up together! Everyone said it's true love, they were always happy- until I”. Whimpering to come to realization, “Is this.. my fault?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>James stared at me, quietly looking down at the floor. “Look I wouldn’t understand where you’re going through. About Parents stop loving each other- my mum died when I was born. I never know what it's like for what you went through.., but I do know what it's like to feel at fault. It sucks- I mean really sucks that he..” He chose his word carefully, “Dars this isn’t your fault. It's not your fault.”</span>
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